A Personal Lesson in Mom Guilt

What I do as a coach when my brain tells me all the ways “I wasn’t present enough” when my kids were little.

Having older kids is wild. (So is mom guilt.)
They need you less.
You’re less involved in their “spare” time.
And suddenly your brain has free time to rudely question your parenting:

💭It went by so fast. Did I soak it in enough?

💭I don’t remember all of it, was I present enough?

💭If you were the mom you are today, you’d go back & do it all differently.



Just me?
Cool.

Here’s what I do when my brain tries to sh!t all over past me:


1) Recognize it!
When I ask questions like that, my brain will dig up 1,672 examples of how I supposedly wasn’t present.


Look, I know there’s some truth there, so I can’t just gaslight myself into thinking I was some perfect 🦄 of a parent.

BUT I have to give equal airtime to both sides.
Otherwise, my brain stays stuck in the negative, I feel like crap about myself, & it becomes a whole thing.


So, I listen to what it has to say.


Maybe even validate (ugh, I hate when my brain is right sometimes).

BUT here’s the part we often skip:

FLIPPING THE SCRIPT.


We take one side of what our brain feeds us & believe it’s our only truth… without ever questioning other possibilities.


So flip it!

💭In what ways WAS I present?

💭What are some core memories I have as a mom?

💭How was it exactly as it was meant to be?


When I look at both sides, I can see how both can be true & it instantly lessens the shame + guilt I feel when I only focus on one.

2) I remind myself:

• Dwelling on the negative isn’t useful. But I don’t argue with it either-I accept that maybe there were times I wasn’t fully present, & that’s okay—no one is on 100% of the time.

• Past me was doing the best she could with what she knew. (Sometimes I even remind myself that version of me had to exist for this version of me to be here today.)

• I can find evidence for both stories to be true.
Neither is wrong. But feeding one of these stories leaves me feeling like a big bag of ass.

So I let go of the could’ves, should’ves, would’ves-because they don’t serve me. And I shift my focus.
I decide how I want to show up now in a way future me will be proud of.
Flipping the script has made me more aware & intentional as a mom. I’d call that a win.🫶🏼

Remember: You get to decide which part of the story you give your attention to, so why not make sure it’s one that lets you be proud of the mom you’ve been and the one you’re becoming.

Craving Belonging (Even When You Don’t Actually Want to Belong)

Random Thoughts by Ashley: Craving Belonging (Even When You Don’t Actually Want to Belong)

Ever felt low-key salty you weren’t invited to something you didn’t even want to go to? Or feel a sting each time you see a group together but that group doesn’t include you?

Same girl, same.

You scroll past the pics.
You overhear people talking about it.
Or you find out about the group chat you weren’t in—and your body gets all squirmy.

Your logical brain is like, “Girl, you didn’t even want to be there.”

And your emotional brain is definitely sitting in the corner, pouting and spiraling.

Literally overthinking everything…

Wait, why wasn’t I included?
What is wrong with me?
Did I do something?
Say something?
Are they talking about me when I am not there?

Meanwhile…your logical brain is still chiming in but you can’t hear her, “Hello, you said yourself last week that those are not your people.”

Yep - our brains are so wired for belonging that even when we don’t actually like the activity or the people-we still crave being included.

Logically…
You know that group is not your group.
You know their approval doesn’t align with the version of you you’re working to become.
But still—when you're not invited? Not chosen? Not in the loop?
It still stings.

And this is where so many of my clients get stuck (I’ve been here too)—feeling frustrated with themselves for caring about being included in places they don’t even want to be or belong.

So let me just say this clearly:

There is nothing wrong with you for wanting to feel included.
You’re not weak. You’re not dramatic. You’re not too sensitive.
It’s not a character flaw.

You’re just a human with a nervous system that’s been wired and trained (for literal survival) to seek connection and belonging. It is old programming.

No joke when I say it is human wiring - here’s a BRIEF background on it:

From an evolutionary standpoint, belonging used to literally mean survival.
Being accepted by the group wasn’t about likes or social status—it was about staying safe, fed, and alive.
To this day, our brains still see rejection or exclusion as a threat, even when it’s just about a group chat, a girls’ night, or some PTA thing you didn’t even want to go to.

But that old programming no longer serves us today. And knowing where it comes from and how we have evolved over time, you can now see how it doesn’t really serve you and where you can take your power back…

It starts with awareness. You can start to be more aware when that old programming is pulling you away from the version of you you’re trying to become.

The one who knows her worth.
Who doesn’t chase validation from people who don’t even see her.
Who’s done contorting to be liked.
Who’s learning to choose belonging to herself—even when it feels unfamiliar.
Even when her brain wants to run the old “do whatever you have to do to fit in” script.

That’s the work.
Not shutting off the part of you that wants to belong.
But learning to be intentional about who and what you give that power to.

So the next time you catch the “ugh, left out” ick sneaking in…
Pause.
Check in.
Ask yourself:

• Do I actually want to be there? Is it something I would even enjoy? The place? The event? The people?

• Am I craving the connection with these particular people—or just seeking approval?

• And is this somewhere that I can show up as me—or will I have to pretend to be someone I am not just to feel “accepted?”
  (Side note: when you are accepted by people you can’t be yourself around - they aren’t even accepting you - they are accepting a filtered, watered down version of you.)

Ladies - you’re allowed to want connection. Just don’t abandon yourself to get it.

XOXO,
Ash

A Lesson in Feeling the Feels

I meant to share this here, like, a month ago… but alas—time got away from me in the midst of all the car drama, and I totally forgot.

But sometimes the 5,678 notes I keep on my phone come in handy—because when I scroll through to clean them up, I stumble on little gems like this one.

A random story with big feelings. And great little nuggets of wisdom wrapped inside.
So I figured I’d share it here—for you. You, as in the one person who’s probably reading this blog. HA!

If you ever want to REALLY follow along with me, I’m a big IG stories girl, so this is where the post originated.

It all started when we were hoping to get me a non-stinky, non-shaky rental (my 4th rental in like 3 days to be exact) while we waited on my car. Which, by the way, never came back to me, Ellie the Escalade—may she rest in peace. You can meet my new ride below, her name is TBD.

Enterprise had told us they’d have a car ready to go if we came in on Friday (this was June 20th btw) - so we showed up and….no car.

Anywho, after sharing this (see image), in my stories, I gathered my thoughts & this is what I came up with, which is the moral of the story & hopefully a lesson you can take away from it:

So, when she got to the part where she said they didn’t have the car they promised me yesterday…
I looked at her (and Aaron) and said:
“I have to go outside. I’m just frustrated. It’s not you; it’s me.”

Then I walked out and cried. And also texted my bestie to vent.

And the voice in my head immediately chimed in:
“You’re overreacting.”
“It’s not that big of a deal.”
“Why are you crying?”
“It’s temporary. It’s a rental. Get over it.”

But here’s the truth:
I’m not mad. I’m just… sad. Disappointed. Frustrated.

And that voice in my head?
It’s the same one so many women hear—
Or that we first heard as little kids..

The underlying message?
“Don’t be too much.”
“Don’t take up space with your feelings.”
“Feelings are big. Feelings are scary. Just don't go there.”

There’s no Feelings 101 course that teaches us how to name them, feel them, and just be freaking human.

So instead—
We bottle it up.
We stuff it down.
We yell… when what we actually need is a good cry and a damn hug.

But here’s what I know now:
Feeling the feeling is the only way through it.
And if you actually allow it, most feelings pass in 90 seconds or less.

So walking outside was my reset.
Was I still upset when I walked back in? Yes—but I didn’t react from it.

Old me wouldn’t have even acknowledged what was happening in her body.
Old me may not have even known she was sad, frustrated, or disappointed.

She would’ve 100% blamed how she was feeling on them and “their mistake,” taking zero ownership for how she was about to show up in the situation.
She would’ve been a lil' spicy with the employee.
Made a (minor) scene that would’ve solved nothing… and only made her (her, as in old me) feel worse afterwards.

Instead, I breathed into what I was feeling.
Because I miss my car.
I miss the comfort and the familiarity.
I’m the one who drives us everywhere.
And these little tests being thrown at us just feel amplified during what has already been a whirlwind of a week.

Convenience is such a luxury we take for granted—and when inconveniences get thrown our way in bulk (LOL), it’s easy to slip into victim mode.

But the best thing we can do?
Acknowledge the sadness. The disappointment. The frustration.
And then focus on what we can control.

We carry so much—often without speaking about any of it—that when something small goes sideways, like a rental car…

It’s usually not about just that one thing.
It may be the final straw that breaks you that day though.

It’s not just crying about the rental.
It’s crying because you’ve been holding everything else together.
Because of all the other small pieces that add up.

It’s not being dramatic.
It’s being human.
You’re allowed to feel disappointed.
(You’re allowed to cry outside of Enterprise.)

And you don’t need to say sorry for it.

Long Story Short:
Most of us were never taught how to feel our feelings—

And some of us:

1. Are afraid to show them in case someone else thinks we’re “too much.”

2. Have ZERO idea how to process them without reacting in an unregulated way or falling into “the world is against me” mode. (aka victim mode)

That doesn’t mean your emotions aren’t valid.
It just means it’s possible to handle them in a more regulated, grounded way.

And you don’t have to bottle them up, shrink yourself, or pretend everything’s fine just to make other people more comfortable.

Meet the New Ride

Because my ADHD brains always come with a side story: after searching, debating and crying…I opted to not get another Escalade. Since mine was a 2024, there was only one left in the US that was my EXACT match, in Texas. Same color. Same features. All of it. But trying to recreate my car felt misaligned. And to be honest, I am not a fan of the 2025 changes. So I decided to keep to go full on sporty with an AT4 Ultimate.

It has all the bells and whistles as my Escalade (plus some) but she can handle a curb like a pro, LOL.
I don’t know that from experience, but I do know the wheels aren’t low profile in the new ride -I don’t know if that is the right term but I am like 75% confident it is…

As I type this, she is at the shop getting a “chrome delete” so she will be all blacked out when she comes back to me!

Same Kid. Different Story.

Aaron and I were walking the other day, talking about Mason and his experience in sports (baseball, martial arts) + life in general.

We realized we are raising and watching the same exact kid, but telling very different stories.

I mean, obviously we both love him unconditionally but it was so interesting to notice how different our stories are about why he plays, how he shows up, and what it all means.

And what hit me was this:

Our stories say more about us than they do about him.

His choices, his behavior, even the way he shows up for a game… Aaron sees one thing. I see another.

And it makes total sense—he's bringing his experience as a dad, a man, a former athlete.
I’m bringing mine as a mom, a woman, and someone who grew up not involved in a lot of extracurricular activities, especially anything competitive.

It’s wild how two people can love the same human so much… and still see them so differently.

It was such a reminder that what we see in our kids is filtered through our own lens—our experiences, fears, and even how we were raised.

And if we’re not paying attention, that lens can get in the way of actually seeing our kids clearly.

If we’re not careful, our story about our kids can become their story, the one they start believing.

Because what we think about him shapes how we feel about him—which shapes how we show up for him. And that can impact the story he starts to believe about himself.

Tell a kid they’re lazy enough times? They’ll believe it.
Tell them they’re always a hot mess, don't know how to behave or too sensitive, or always distracted?
They’ll start to believe that behavior equals identity. Even if it’s just a season—not the full picture of who they are.

✨Kids internalize what they hear—whether it’s from us, teachers, coaches, or the world around them. Over time, repeated messages start to shape how they see themselves. Many of us are just now realizing how much of that we picked up, too—and how much we can unlearn.

✨Sometimes the beliefs we’ve inherited—the ones passed down to us—need to be questioned. Especially when they’re no longer serving us or our kids. That’s how we stop the cycle from continuing.

✨The labels we give them can become self-fulfilling prophecies. You hear something enough times, you start to act as if…

✨The story you believe about your child shapes how you show up toward them—and that reinforces the story they start to believe.

And that’s how stories get passed down—subtly, but powerfully.

So I’ve been trying to be better about checking in with myself lately.

Is the story I’m telling about my son helping him?
Is it helping me show up the way I want to as his mom?
Are we seeing him clearly?
Or are we seeing him through our own lens?

Because that story has the power to shape how he sees himself.
And I want to make damn sure it's one that builds him up—not boxes him in.

Who is Future You?

Listen, some days I make the choice Future Me would be proud of. 
Other days I choose immediate gratification. But I’m worlds away from the girl who used to not even realize that she was the one in control of making choices in the present that were for her future self.


I used to think I had to already be her before I could act like her, like she’d just magically appear one day when I finally had my shit together.
(Spoiler: That’s not how it works.)

Now I know —
Future Me doesn’t just show up. 
She’s created through the choices I make today.
The small ones. The big ones. The uncomfortable ones.
Even the ones where I catch myself mid old-pattern and go, “Wait — that’s not who I want to be anymore.”

Sometimes that looks like checking in with myself:
“How do I want to feel in 5 minutes? 5 hours? 5 months?”
That one question alone helped me shift how I eat, how I move, how I treat myself — and so much more.

And sometimes it looks like rewriting old stories that don’t align with what I want in my future.

Am I perfect at it? Nah.

Am I still figuring out who exactly what I want for Future Me? Hell yes. 
(That’s why I have my own coach who keeps me in check.)


But that’s the work, right?
Getting clear on the version of you you’re becoming — and making choices that get you closer to her.

It’s not about being perfect.
It’s about being aware.
Pausing. Checking in.
And making the next choice that feels most like love for your future self.

That’s what I help my clients do, too.

Because who you want to be later is someone you can start showing up as now.
She’s not some unattainable version of you.

She’s not a brand-new person.

She’s already within you — just buried under the doubt, the noise, and the old stories.
She’s within reach. You just have to believe she IS who you can be.

And I can help you get there, one aligned action at a time.
I have a couple of 1:1 spots open, click here for more info.