Found this little gem in my FB memories. Oof.
Apparently, 14 years ago passive-aggressive Facebook updates were basically my personality.
Actually, a lot of my posts before coaching came into my life had this same tone. Whether it was about Aaron, my job, or anything else outside of me I thought “was the problem.”
But I don’t post stuff like this on social media because I don’t live in that headspace anymore.
I do my best to not make it my job to manage someone else’s emotions and not blame other people for how I feel. (I'm human. Not perfect.)
But either way, I’m definitely not blasting my husband on socials on Thanksgiving anymore.
Coaching changed that part of me.
It taught me how to stop reacting to everything and start taking my power back.
At the time of this post, we were so lost in our marriage and didn’t even realize it…
Little moments like this added up-thinking the other persons mood was our problem to fix or taking their mood personally which led to resentment and petty arguments.
We weren’t bad people. We just didn’t know how to be humans with feelings instead of passive-aggressive assholes to each other.
Both unaware of it all. Both reactive. Both giving our power away to the other.
The game changed when I finally saw I wasn't just "reacting to him".
...I was reacting to my own expectations of him. My thoughts about him. Pair that with unregulated emotions and my inability to let him have his own feelings without wanting them to be different...phew. What a freaking recipe.
This is literally how that day played out:
Me: "He is so crabby and rude."
→ I'd feel irritated AF.
→ Then l'd get snappy.
→ And boom... now I'm the one being crabby.
All because I was uncomfortable with his mood and thought he should fix it. And the irony of me thinking he should fix his shit mood while creating a shit mood for myself-classic.
But now I can actually see that pattern. That's the awareness coaching gave me.
We've both changed SO MUCH since then. Not because some miracle happened, but because we had to learn how to communicate, take ownership, and stop letting our unmanaged mind and moods run our marriage.
We had to learn how to communicate, take ownership, and stop letting our unmanaged mind and moods run our marriage.
I share this because so many women I coach are in this exact place; resentful, exhausted, carrying everything, reacting instead of choosing, and feeling like the victim in their life (while maybe even showing up like the villain, yet unaware of it).
It doesn’t have to stay like that.
And if you’ve ever caught yourself posting something like this (or thinking it), spinning in your head about everything your partner does, or feeling like you’re carrying the emotional weight of the entire relationship…
You’re not alone, and you’re not broken-you’re just stuck in patterns you didn’t even realize you were in.
Give yourself the gift of awareness.
Notice when you’re trying to manage your partner’s emotions instead of your own.
Then ask yourself:
“Is this mine to carry?”
“What can I actually control here?”
…and maybe notice what YOU create when you take on their mood.
That’s the beginning. That’s the shift.
You can take your power back in your relationship.
I mean, I’m definitely proof you can unf*ck your mindset and your marriage.